reflection – Wolverine Lily

The Graveyard of Hollywood Dreams

A woman hurried across the street, dodging a man crouched in the corner, talking to himself. His hair was long, his clothes smelled, and his raspy voice mumbled something that made passersby uncomfortable. Most stare at the ground and veer away.

In Los Angeles, this is as normal as a sunny day. We call them homeless, crazy, or addicts raising tents under a freeway. But we don’t see them as what they once were: humans with big dreams.

Not all of them came chasing fame. Some escaped disasters.

Back then, there was courage in their hearts. They packed their cars or boarded a bus with a guitar. Some told their parents they were leaving their small town because there was a world out there—a place where dreams take shape. They arrived in Hollywood, seeking their big break.

It’s brave; it takes confidence. Yet, we won’t admit it, or perhaps, we never think this deeply.

But chasing dreams in Los Angeles has a lethal price tag. Undoubtedly, some made it, while others fell into the throat of this city. LA chews on dreamers, swallowing them piece by piece. Rent first. Then health. Then dignity. While the sun shines bright. And when the time and resources run out, the verdict follows: ‘they didn’t try hard enough.’

This is survivorship bias.

We hear inspiring stories from singers, actors, or entrepreneurs who slept in a car and “never gave up.” Social media is flooded with success biographies of high school dropouts-turned-icons, praising perseverance, resilience, and never quitting.

But what about the other side? The majority: the people who gave it all and still didn’t make it. Life intervened, money ran out, or timing didn’t line up.

Is the effort alone enough?
We love breakthrough tales. They are inspirational and make the world seem fair. But that’s not true; life isn’t fair. Not everyone excels from trying, and not everyone succeeds.

Cemeteries remind us of that. Have you ever walked past rows, reading names, and finding small gaps between birth and death? I ask, what’s their story? What did they dream of?

Los Angeles is a cemetery— except the names are still breathing.
The graveyard of broken dreams lives on sidewalks. In tents. In people we avoid because if we look too closely, we might recognize ourselves.

I think about this because my child wants to sing. Just a girl with a voice and a dream.
She plays guitar, sings, and… believes. I support her, drive her to lessons, and applaud from my couch.
Dreams are beautiful—I don’t want her to stop dreaming! But in LA, dreams without a backup plan are like jumping off a cliff and hoping to land on a mattress. Especially now with social media blaring, “just keep pushing indefinitely, success is inevitable.”

Is it? Really?

Having an alternate plan isn’t a failure. Proposing checkpoints or a deadline doesn’t mean quitting. It’s tracking progress instead of blindly sacrificing years and hoping luck shows up before rent is due.
What’s noble about starving for a dream when there were other ways to survive?

The happiest lives I know run on two tracks: financial stability and passion; one feeds the soul, and one feeds the body. Yet social media favors extremes: Fame or failure. It doesn’t show the middle: the people who built parallel paths. And it certainly doesn’t show the ones who disappeared.

Every soul sleeping on the street has a story. Some are still missed back at home. Some never had a home to begin with.

I want my daughter to believe in herself, knowing that her worth (or her singing) doesn’t depend on applause or validation.

Don’t let a dream kill your life. Feed your mouth before you feed your dreams. LA is full of people who believed—and paid that lethal price.

So work, create, pursue, and dream. Dream boldly— with your head on your shoulders and your feet on the ground.

Broken Wing and the Middle Finger

“Hello,” I answered, shutting the trunk of my car.
“I think Nellie broke her arm. She fell from a structure on a playground, and she can’t stop crying. Where are you?” he asked, urgency spilling through the phone.

In the background, I heard my daughter screaming at full volume. It was the most devastating roar I’d ever heard from her—deep and loud, like a whale, but screechier. I felt a sudden rush of heat, as if someone had poured boiling water over my head.

Damn. She’s hurt, I thought, starting the engine. I gripped the wheel tight and took off.

“I’m in the car. I’ll be there in ten minutes,” I forced the words out through my tightening throat.
“We’re waiting for an ambulance,” he said, his tone mirroring mine. “Hurry,” he added, and hung up.

My heart was pounding. I accelerated, but soon got trapped behind an old lady driving fifteen miles per hour in a thirty-five zone. I followed her while Nellie’s cry echoed in my head, louder than the speakers in the doors. How badly is she injured? What if she fell on her head?

For a few blocks, my thoughts raced at the speed of light, while my car crawled like a turtle. I was tempted to honk, but this lady probably was too old to hear it anyway. My frustration boiled inside until Granny stopped at a red light, nearly rear-ending a white Mercedes. I swerved to the right lane, hoping to pass both cars when the light changed.
A few long seconds later, I finally got the green. I hit the gas like I was auditioning for Fast & Furious—minus the fancy car.

I looked into the mirror to see if I had enough distance to change lanes, but then I saw… a hairy arm and a middle finger coming out of a white Mercedes! Like a reversed palm tree flipping me off from the jungle of traffic. I tried to ignore the gesture. My daughter’s screams still resonated in my head so, surely, I could not care less about an asshole in a Mercedes. Yet, I was pissed. Pissed and frantic.

I wanted to be with my daughter. Shit. I was pushing past fifty! A speeding ticket now would kill me. No way, I couldn’t afford to lose a second.

I stopped at a red light and saw the white Mercedes slide up to my right. No more palm trees waving. He must’ve thought he’d lost the race to a blonde chick in a dusty Subaru, now idling for a rematch. Then the window began to roll down, revealing Mr. Asshole with dark shades and an even darker attitude.

He shook his head, adjusting his flashy glasses (or just showing them off in the most ostentatious way), looked at me, and spoke: “You couldn’t wait, could you?”
Wait for what? I thought. But I hadn’t said anything—not for another three seconds.

Then I took a long breath and said two precise sentences, both of which would’ve made my mother gasp and a pirate proud.

I watched his jaw drop, the black stubble blending into his black T-shirt.

I stared at him for a moment. Still. Then winked.
“Nice talking to you. Drive carefully.” The light changed and I drove off, leaving behind a faint, fading ‘Oh, uh…’

When I finally got there, I saw an ambulance driving off. Red lights flashing, siren wailing. My stomach turned.

I followed them to the hospital. Doctors confirmed: My angel broke her wing.

Author’s Note:
This happened a few years ago, on Max’s birthday. One I’ll never forget. 🙂

Her Black Mirrors

She struggled to sit,
bones shivering,
staggered—

A feeble growl
a warning, stay back.
I held her eyes—
black as shungite,
two mirrors of agony,
pleading.

I’d pray against needles,
a quiet, natural end.
I couldn’t—

She battled upright,
for one last exchange.
Her blackest pools
reflected death itself,
hurling an awl into my heart.

I knew.
It was time—
her—to go,
mine—to let her go.

Now,
no barks for a mailman,
a leash chimes on a hanger,
a tennis ball cornered in silence.

And I—
I still see her pain,
engraved in my eyelids.
Two mirrors—
death staring, haunting—
burned into me
like black ice.

Author’s Note:
It’s been years; time has moved on, yet this has never left me.

The Mirror of Trust

I stare into the mirror.
I see myself—those worried eyes I know so well.
“What do you fear?” I ask.
“I’m afraid to take this step,” she replies.
“Don’t. I’ll be with you holding your hand.”

She doesn’t trust me but begins to climb.
Step by slow step.
I watch her go up beyond my reach.
My legs tremble.
My heart pounds in my ears.
She reaches the highest highs,
I can barely see her.

“I’m scared,” she screams as she looks down.
“How will I get down?”
“Jump,” I encourage her.
“Impossible! I will die!”
“You won’t. I will catch you,” I assure.

She hesitates.
“I can’t! I’m terrified!” she cries.
“Just trust me,” I whisper.
“If you fall, I’ll fall… with you.”

Her quivering feet slide to the edge,
I catch my breath,
She plunges into the unknown.
First, like a rock tossed in the wind,
Then she unfolds her arms—
Delicate wings, unsure they will hold her,
Yet she spreads them wide in growing confidence,
As feathers grow from her skin.

I hint a smile and behold her glide,
A bird soaring on a gale.
I extend my arms into the air.
“What if I can’t do this?” I doubt myself.
Terror embraces me from behind.
“If you fail, I fail too,”
Her mutter echoes in my heart.

She lands within me,
I ripple like a drop cascading into a lake,
Peacefully blending into placid waters.

Was it her or me?
Who truly made it?

I stare into the mirror.
I see myself—those worried eyes I know so well.
“What do you fear?” she asks.
“I’m scared to take this step.”
“Don’t. I’ll be with you holding your hand,” she replies.

I climb with trembling legs.
She will catch me, she’ll find a way—
As I once did.
I’ll find my wings…
Just as she once found hers.