I know why you left me, Mom.
I didn’t understand it then. How could I?
I was so young, a fragile leaf
tossed in a hurricane.
I still remember you standing
in that dim hallway,
determined to leave.
I heard the hollow echo as you opened the door,
but before it slammed shut,
the Beast crept in,
filling the emptiness with shadows.
That night, sleep eluded me.
I imagined you soaring through the sky,
chasing your freedom
like a ravenous bird after its prey.
Trapped in the darkness, I cried,
motionless, a girl clenching her fists.
The Beast watched me;
its big, fiery eyes piercing the night.
I was terrified.
But nobody was there to witness my horror.
For years, I begged you to come back,
but you never did;
and I never tamed the Beast.
It lingered, a constant reminder
of the void you left behind.
Three decades have passed,
and the Beast still remains.
I’ve grown used to its presence,
accepting that I can’t fight it.
I’ve built walls around myself,
so tall that only God in Heaven can see the true reflection of me.
But one day, someone will come,
and the Beast will be gone.
My heart knows it,
awaiting the day of liberation.
I’m no longer angry at you.
I’ve come to understand your struggle,
though I never heard you say plainly, “I love you.”
Maybe you never did.
You must have had your reasons.
But I can’t carry your pain for you anymore.
It crushes me.
I need to let it go.
Nevertheless, I love you. I always have.
My heart’s been beating with so much love
that I can’t feel otherwise.
I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy,
but it’s time for me to find my own peace.
© 2024 WolverineLily
Wolverine Lily 